Blog 20 - Woah, Woah Woah, Feelings

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I was talking with Grasshopper the other day about the "feelings" I used to get after an audition. I knew instantly whether or not I got a role. Well, more precisely, I either knew I got it or I would stress about it...and if I stressed, I didn't get it. I know it's kind of hard to believe, but I was never, ever - in the whole of my brief, but exciting, career - wrong.

At first I shared these "feelings" with my friends...they would ask, out of politeness, how I did after an audition and I would answer them with either, "Oh, I know got that," or "I don't know!! I'm so nervous! What if they didn't like me?! Have they cast it yet??? Should I call them??!!"

I quickly learned that alternating between conceit and paranoia did not sit well with my peers.

So, I adopted the shrug and the "either I got it or I didn't" attitude...but behind the scenes I always knew. Surprisingly, my hit ratio was pretty good...I usually got the roles I auditioned for. Not because I was some kind of super-genius-talented actor, but because I knew my limitations. I knew which roles I could get and which roles I couldn't...and rarely did I venture out of my comfort zone. I didn't have to - there were few actors who were perfectly fine with playing the wacky neighbor or the character with only 3 lines. Everyone went for the leads...and I know I'm not a lead. In fact, I think I only played a lead once...and that's only because I can do a kick-ass British accent.

"Mousetrap" has to be the most boring play on the planet...why it was the longest-running show in London is a mystery in itself. But I was thrilled to get the part (thrilled as soon as I left the audition...because I knew I had it) and the fact that it was a show in LA made the role all the more sweet.

There isn't much in the way of theatre in LA...everyone does theatre to "pass the time" until they get a pilot or a speaking role in a film. God, I hated LA. The parties were the worst. Everyone walks around with their resumes in their hands, and the first thing anyone says is, "I know (blank). Who do you know? I'll introduce you to mine if you introduce me to yours."

Blech.

Theatre is the undiscovered goldmine in California. That's where you meet all of the people you need to know. By the time the run started I was pregnant with Sir Xander (two months of "morning" sickness on stage...more like morningnoonandnight sickness. The role I was playing rarely had to go offstage, so I had to wait for a moment when I knew I didn't have a line for a few minutes, walk to the back, open the door, and puke in the grass) so my career was effectively over, but had I so chosen I could have milked it for all it was worth. Because that's where the husbands and wives of the writers, directors, and actors go. If you befriend the significant other, you're in, baby. I met writers for NBC, actors on famous (at the time) sitcoms, and directors of major motion pictures. If I hadn't had to excuse myself constantly to go to the bathroom at parties, I might have even been able to impress them.

But I digress.

Grasshopper and I were talking about an audition that Xander had for an upcoming show. It's "The Trojan Women" by Aeschylus, and the role is the young Prince who gets thrown off a mountain because the Greeks are afraid that if he becomes a man he will try to avenge his father. Tragic, tragic play. She asked how I thought he had done. Quite honestly, he kind of flubbed a few times and got nervous when the director (a very charismatic and intimidating woman) was chatting with him. He clammed up in classic Tween style. Can't blame him, though - it was his first real audition.

Grasshopper asked me if I thought he got the part. "You know, I think he did. I don't know if this "feeling" thing works on him or if it's just my wishful thinking. But...it's the same feeling. It just feels like he got it."

And I was right. He did.

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